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Freedom Model

An Open Letter to the Frightened Mom With An Addicted Son (Opinion)

Powerful stuff!

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Dear Worried Mom,

Let me start this letter by saying I know how scared you are. I know how confused you are. I’m a parent of 3, and at one time I was a very troubled teen who was emotionally lost, very depressed, drank and drugged heavily, and struggled to understand the world I lived in. Since those early years I found my way, and grew less frightened and learned how to live productively and create happiness and peace within myself. I grew up, and I am here to let you know that your son can do the same.

He really can.

Over the past 31 years I have talked with thousands of parents just like you; each wondering why their kid couldn’t seem to get over their struggles with drugs, depression, anxiety, you name it. Some sent their child to a rehab, many coerced them to attend several treatment centers only to watch them have glimmers of “getting better,” and then descend further into their slow destruction. I hear this story play out every day. Each story is different, but the pattern remains – frustration, anger, hopelessness, and guilt; guilt that they, the parent, did something wrong. How could their son end up like this? The guilt becomes debilitating – I hear the shame in their voice, the things they say, and the tears I can hear falling on the other end of the phone.

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Treatment centers and 12 step groups don’t seem to help either. Counseling makes you feel even worse, because the message is never clear – “You are an enabler.” “You need to let go, and let God.” “You need to get him in treatment or he will die!” “Your son is struggling because he has underlying issues that cause his addiction.” Each message contradicts the previous one, so you question everything – even your own thoughts on the matter. The confusion just keeps getting worse as the years pile by. You ask yourself – “Do I continue to love my son, or is my love killing him?” “Is my divorce the cause of my son’s addiction?” “Is it genetic – I think it runs in the family?” “All my other kids are fine, why did Bobby end up like this; Oh God, I always made excuses for him. Is this my fault?” The questions never stop, and the answers never come.

It is not only this guilt that keeps you in the dark. It is all the contradictory messages. It is the fear that if you let your son fall he will descend farther into his misery or he might even die. So you keep trying one thing after another hoping this will be the answer. Maybe it is rehab, then support group meetings, and some psychiatric medication this time, maybe a halfway house before he comes back home. Maybe it’s kicking him out of the house. Maybe it’s ignoring it all, hoping he just grows up. Maybe it’s helping him get a job, or go back to school, or get his GED. Or maybe he is just a hopeless case and it’s time to give up.

It’s that last one that keeps me writing things like this. It’s the hopelessness I hear that makes me want to reach into every home and let the moms around the world know that if your son is alive it is ALWAYS a hopeful situation.

We live in a society that likes to make people like your son “sick.” Let me say this loud and firm – your son is not sick, he is misinformed, and so are you. Your son has the ability, the will and the power of choice at his back to become whatever it is that the world offers. He simply does not know what exists within him to get him there. He is doing exactly what he believes will make him happiest at this point – and that includes habits that ultimately hurt him. He is not weak, he is not sick, he is not without willpower – he is simply doing what he feels is best (as inadequate and dangerous as that might be.)

So let me tell you today, that your son can become happier, more fulfilled, healthier, and ultimately more successful and fully independent. He simply needs to be shown that it is truly possible from where he sits today. This takes change. It means you and he will need to no longer label each other – he will need to let go of labeling himself as an “addict” or “alcoholic” and you will need to let go of your shame and fear and “codependent” label. If you can allow yourself to change, it will become easier for you to believe he can too.

There is so much hope! People are amazing problem solving beings. Your son is full of drive! Yes, that’s right…drive. It takes tremendous will and drive to be a heavy user. It takes intelligence, fortitude, physicality, and skills in problem solving and manipulation to keep a habit running consistently. Don’t you think it is possible for your son to place these powers into activities and goals that will bring less risk and better outcomes? Of course he can!!! I have witnessed thousands of “hopeless” cases change into some of the most well adjusted, successful individuals in the world. All the needed raw materials are there, sitting right inside your son’s mind, waiting to grow into a proud man. Your situation is not hopeless, it is HOPEFUL. Literally brimming with hope and possibility.

I know, you think I am being a bit pie in the sky. Make no mistake, I was a nineteen year old with the barrel of a rifle in my mouth, asking God why I was brought into the world. And that was after counseling, outpatient “therapy” and years of exposure to AA and NA. But I did not pull the trigger. Instead, I had a moment of clarity and made up my mind to find the answer. Through effort and time, I discovered it was right inside of me the whole time – I just needed someone to show me how to find it and I am here today 31 years later, writing this open letter to you, to let you know that it can be done and that the path need not be so difficult.

Mr. Mark Scheeren is the Co-Founder and Chairman of the St. Jude Retreat, as is co-author of The Freedom Model for Addictions, Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap, the original Non-12-Step approach for people who struggle with serious substance use issues. Mr. Scheeren and his staff of Researchers and Instructors have helped many thousands find permanent solutions to their drug and alcohol problems.

For more information about The Freedom Model and the St. Jude Retreat, click here:
www.thefreedommodel.org
www.soberforever.net
or call 888-424-2626

Freedom Model

You CAN Move Past an Addiction

…a message to those who feel hopeless

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There is a difference between struggling “one day at a time” in recovery and moving on from an addiction; there’s a big difference. We’ve been taught that once you’re an addict, you’ll always be an addict. This is not true. However, should you believe this, it becomes your truth. But it doesn’t have to be that way. So called addicts and alcoholics moderate their use with surprising frequency (for example, 50% of all “alcoholics” eventually moderate their drinking to non-problematic levels whether they’ve been treated or not – NESARC, 2005). While the facts are what they are – and they are very encouraging – people are woefully ignorant of these hopeful and empowering facts.

Here’s the truth; beliefs can change; and lives change when our beliefs do. Once I realized I’d been lied to and I found that alcohol and drugs were not the “cunning, baffling, powerful” agents they were said to be, I could easily choose better for myself. I didn’t need extra willpower, more strength, or any kind of special recovery formula once I realized that drugs were substances, not living, breathing, motivated entities bent on my destruction.

This bizarre and fictitious personified view of drugs as an all-powerful entity was one of the myths that caused me to fear them, and in turn, I feared the inevitable “triggered relapse” as well. That’s what fear based mythology can do. It keeps you trapped in the relapse loop. Even the word “relapse” makes a connotation to the “disease of addiction” myth. There are dozens of ways the treatment and recovery models have instilled this myth based fear throughout its messaging. The question is why?

Treatment and Recovery are about Control

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It’s all about control. A free thinking, freely choosing individual cannot be controlled because the center of that individual’s problem solving capability lies directly inside of them. As humans, our autonomous nature makes us immune to being manipulated, as long as you have the facts. In order for treatment and/or recovery to be necessary, the idea of self-efficacy needs to be extinguished. That can only be done by creating a straw man called the disease of addiction. A disease is, by its very definition, out of one’s control. And because of this defining characteristic, that same afflicted individual must find an outside power, force or method to combat the disease; much like chemotherapy in a cancer victim’s scenario.

The autonomous individual with full knowledge that addiction IS NOT a disease can therefore move past their “addiction” (we call it more accurately, a preference for heavy use) with seeming ease. They can make an internal choice to moderate or abstain that does not require an outside treatment of any kind to be made or supported. No need for recovery either, because without a disease present, there is nothing to recover from.

Now, we are not saying people don’t have serious issues with heavy use. This is why we call it problematic use. We also do not miss the fact that some people might even need to be physically detoxed from their drug of choice. These facts however, sit outside the scope of what we are talking about in this article. The “disease of addiction” we are referencing here is the idea that a person is compelled beyond their mindful will to use drugs and alcohol, and that an outside force called treatment is needed to solve that lack of will. That definition of addiction – as a disease of the mind – is absolutely incorrect. And, if we correct that definition to the following: addiction is a preference for heavy use as determined by the powers of reason in the mind of the individual, and only the individual can change that preference internally, then we bring the solution back where it belongs, inside the mind of the individual. Free will either exists or it doesn’t. Either you are a being capable of choosing or you are not. The treatment world wants you to believe you can choose certain aspects of your life (like the choice to go to treatment) but not have the power of choice in regards to the use of drugs and alcohol. But here is the problem with that – you cannot have it both ways. Either free will exists or it doesn’t. When you think about it, you know that the existence of free will is self evident – you are choosing to read this article right now. You’re a chooser.

Are you ready to move on from an adfdiction for good? Are you ready to moderate or abstain? Are you ready to own your use and its trade-offs? Are you ready to seek the truth to make these kinds of decisions? If so, The Freedom Model for Addictions, Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap is the book to read and study. In it, all the addiction myths are exposed, and the researched truth provided. Moving on from an addiction is a wonderful and amazing event. I hope you take the time to learn the truth as I did. My life is amazing, and yours can be too!

If you or someone you love are ready to break free from the addiction and recovery trap and move on, call us at 888-424-2626.

For more information about The Freedom Model go to TheFreedomModel.org

Mr. Mark Scheeren is the Co-Founder and Chairman of the St. Jude Retreat, as is co-author of The Freedom Model for Addictions, Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap, the original Non-12-Step approach for people who struggle with serious substance use issues. Mr. Scheeren and his staff of Researchers and Instructors have helped many thousands find permanent solutions to their drug and alcohol problems.

There is a difference between struggling “one day at a time” in recovery and moving on from an addiction; there’s a big difference. We’ve been taught that once you’re an addict, you’ll always be an addict. This is not true. However, should you believe this, it becomes your truth. But it doesn’t have to be that way. So called addicts and alcoholics moderate their use with surprising frequency (for example, 50% of all “alcoholics” eventually moderate their drinking to non-problematic levels whether they’ve been treated or not – NESARC, 2005). While the facts are what they are – and they are very encouraging – people are woefully ignorant of these hopeful and empowering facts. Here’s the truth; beliefs can change; and lives change when our beliefs do. Once I realized I’d been lied to and I found that alcohol and drugs were not the “cunning, baffling, powerful” agents they were said to be, I could easily choose better for myself. I didn’t need extra willpower, more strength, or any kind of special recovery formula once I realized that drugs were substances, not living, breathing, motivated entities bent on my destruction. This bizarre and fictitious personified view of drugs as an all-powerful entity was one of the myths that caused me to fear them, and in turn, I feared the inevitable “triggered relapse” as well. That’s what fear based mythology can do. It keeps you trapped in the relapse loop. Even the word “relapse” makes a connotation to the “disease of addiction” myth. There are dozens of ways the treatment and recovery models have instilled this myth based fear throughout its messaging. The question is why? Treatment and Recovery are about Control It’s all about control. A free thinking, freely choosing individual cannot be controlled because the center of that individual’s…

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Freedom Model

Am I An Addict?

Objective Truth vs. Subjective ‘Truth’

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With so much talk about heavy substance use increasing as a result of the pandemic lockdowns, there are many people wondering if they may have crossed the line from reasonable substance use to “addiction”. Rates of serious emotional problems such as depression and anxiety are skyrocketing across the country as a result of people being locked in their homes and many are using alcohol and other drugs to try and get some relief. But is this increasing demographic now officially suffering from addiction? Are these millions of people now doomed to lifetime of addiction treatment, meetings, and perpetual struggle? Let me answer this straight – absolutely not.

In the book, The Freedom Model for Addictions, Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap, we discuss the concept of addiction as the following:

The very concept of addiction – whether it’s called a disease, a disorder, or something else – says that some people (i.e. “addicts & alcoholics”) are enslaved to the behavior of substance use in some way. That is, they cross some line where they are no longer actively choosing to use substances of their own free will, but instead are compelled to use substances. It’s also said that they are unable to stop themselves from using once they start (they experience a loss of control); that they are unable to stop wanting to use substances (they experience craving); that all of this just happens without their consent (that they’re triggered by various things and feelings); and finally, that they’re in for a lifetime of struggling with their demons (the “chronic relapsing disease” and “ongoing recovery.”)

This definition is a construct of the treatment industry – in other words, it’s made up. But because it has been repeated for nearly eight decades, it has become truth to believers. I was once a believer myself. I felt compelled to drink and drug. I believed addiction was something that happened to me. I felt that I was “powerless”. I felt that I would lose control after the first beer, hit or shot. I felt addicted, and I’ve since met tens of thousands who do as well.

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Objective Truth vs. Subjective “Truth”

There is a difference between an objective truth and a subjective “truth”. An objective truth is the kind of reality that takes human opinion and feelings and throws them out the window. It just looks at the merits of the facts and we determine what the truth is based on that foundation. A subjective perception is just that, a perception or opinion-laden perspective. The concept of addiction, as defined above, is fully subjective, it is not grounded in fact. But because the idea that people are addicted – that addiction happens to them – is so oft repeated in our society today, it seems as if it is an objective truth. This definition of addiction is then taken as fact, and so the fear of becoming addicted becomes very real. It might even feel real to you personally or someone you know. The good news is once you know the facts, you can let go of this powerlessness narrative, and move on with your life without an “addiction.” In essence you can become truly objective about the subject.

What is Addiction Really?

Objectively speaking, what we think of as an addiction is a habitual preference for heavy use. We use heavily based on our perception that drugs and alcohol provide certain personal benefits. In the COVID scare, these benefits might include the belief that substances cure boredom, anxiety, depression and trauma. If we believe drugs can provide this relief, we will habitually prefer them and crave them.

But a subjective want (or a craving) is different than an objective need. In the conventional subjective definition of addiction as a disease or disorder, the “addict” is told they will always crave and need the substance for these magical qualities of relief. They are further told that they will always need substances to solve these human problems. Further still, the addiction model says that the COVID scare causes them to feel this way, and that their need for the substances becomes enormous and only intense treatment can stop the cravings and the desires for consistent use.

Moving Past the Lies

So how does someone get past the lies? What is the objective truth? Is addiction an unstoppable disease that requires lifelong treatment and struggle? Or is it a preference that can change – even in an environment defined by a pandemic?

The answer is the latter. You do not have a disease of addiction – the disease model of addiction was created to make an efficient path for third party reimbursement of drug and alcohol related medical and psychiatric needs. In other words the disease concept created a way for health insurance providers to pay the treatment and rehab industry for its services, it’s creation had nothing to do with whether, in fact, a disease existed. What you have is not a disease, but rather a preference for heavy use that you might choose to call “addiction.” That preference is based on the perception that drinking and drugging can somehow help you cope with the COVID scare and shutdowns. Substances can’t do that of course, but if you belief they can, then the belief will drive further heavy use.

Know this – you are not powerless. You are not compelled to use substances by an outside force called addiction. Your feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness are learned. You have reasons for your belief that substances provide benefits to you. But equally important is the truth that you can change your point of view and see that stopping or moderating your use might have more benefits than trying to cope by using drugs and alcohol heavily.

In short, addiction is what you make it. You can choose to see it as an unstoppable outside force that creates havoc in your life. You can even see it as a solution to boredom, worry, depression, trauma and anxiety, making heavy use seem so much more necessary than it actually is. Or, you can see it as a temporary habit you’ve created yourself. You can challenge the benefits you see in heavy use. You can challenge the idea that heavy use solves depression, anxiety and trauma. You can decide to deal with your human struggles without the idea that substances need to be front and center in solving them.

Let Go of the Construct of Addiction

Addiction, seen as a powerless state of mind is a construct meant to lead you to endless treatment. Let go of these myths! It is time to move on from this narrative, and challenge all the benefits you see in using. The benefits of not using or moderating far outweigh believing you are powerless and addicted. Once you come to grips with this objective truth, you will never use heavily again – even in the COVID era.

If you or someone you love are ready to break free from the addiction and recovery trap and move on, call us at 888-424-2626.

For more information about The Freedom Model go to TheFreedomModel.org

Mr. Mark Scheeren is the Co-Founder and Chairman of the St. Jude Retreat, as is co-author of The Freedom Model for Addictions, Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap, the original Non-12-Step approach for people who struggle with serious substance use issues. Mr. Scheeren and his staff of Researchers and Instructors have helped many thousands find permanent solutions to their drug and alcohol problems.

With so much talk about heavy substance use increasing as a result of the pandemic lockdowns, there are many people wondering if they may have crossed the line from reasonable substance use to “addiction”. Rates of serious emotional problems such as depression and anxiety are skyrocketing across the country as a result of people being locked in their homes and many are using alcohol and other drugs to try and get some relief. But is this increasing demographic now officially suffering from addiction? Are these millions of people now doomed to lifetime of addiction treatment, meetings, and perpetual struggle? Let me answer this straight – absolutely not. In the book, The Freedom Model for Addictions, Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap, we discuss the concept of addiction as the following: The very concept of addiction – whether it’s called a disease, a disorder, or something else – says that some people (i.e. “addicts & alcoholics”) are enslaved to the behavior of substance use in some way. That is, they cross some line where they are no longer actively choosing to use substances of their own free will, but instead are compelled to use substances. It’s also said that they are unable to stop themselves from using once they start (they experience a loss of control); that they are unable to stop wanting to use substances (they experience craving); that all of this just happens without their consent (that they’re triggered by various things and feelings); and finally, that they’re in for a lifetime of struggling with their demons (the “chronic relapsing disease” and “ongoing recovery.”) This definition is a construct of the treatment industry – in other words, it’s made up. But because it has been repeated for nearly eight decades, it has become truth to believers. I was once…

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