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Andrew Cuomo Should Win The Political Darwin Award

Heck, he should probably get a lifetime achievement Darwin Award based on his handling of the CoronaVirus pandemic.

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If there is ever a Darwin Award for politicians New York Governor Andrew Cuomo just earned himself the award—heck, he should probably get a lifetime achievement Darwin Award based on his handling of the CoronaVirus pandemic.

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human gene pool by honoring those who achieve the pinnacle of stupidity by accidentally and spectacularly killing themselves most spectacularly. Like the guy who approached the open drawbridge in Louisiana, “lifted up the arm of the safety gate, then get back in while the driver backed up a bit and accelerated hard over the dra-bridge edge.” The car did not make it. The driver and passenger drowned as the car sank into the bayou. They received the award because “You cannot live long if the road’s IQ is higher than your own. In this IQ test, our Double Darwin winners failed; indeed, they set a new low. Because these Texas Men–unlike the Blues Brothers–lacked “Cop Tires. Cop Engine. Cop Suspension, and a Mission From God.”

A political version of the Darwin Awards would not involve the death of the winner but would be given to the politician who says the most imbecilic tone-deaf statement at the worst possible time. Based on his latest statements, New York’s ‘Luv Guv” Andrew Cuomo should receive a lifetime achievement Darwin Award.

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Cuomo has been in trouble thanks to sexual harassment charges and, most importantly, his COVID-19 executive order that lead to the death of thousands of senior citizens earning him the Twitter hashtag #CuomoKilledGrandma. When concerns regarding the nursing home deaths resulting from his order, the Luv Guv made some awful tone-deaf statements, perhaps the worst of which happened in May 2020. A reporter asked, “What would you say to families who have suffered losses inside nursing homes? His callous answer was basically old people die.

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“Nobody was deprived of a bed or medical coverage in any way, And still people died. Still, people died. Older people, vulnerable people, are going to die from this virus. That is going to happen despite whatever you do.”

He left out the part about his order forcing them into nursing homes with a lack of the doctors and medical equipment necessary to handle a rash of COVID-19 cases instead of Hospitals. And that their presence in nursing homes led to the broader spreading of the pandemic than others states.

But as it is with most political mistakes, it wasn’t the mistake–it’s the cover-up. Last week, the New York Times reported that the effort of NY Governor Andrew Cuomo to cover up the extent of nursing home deaths was worse than previously thought.

But yesterday was Cuomo’s piece de resistance. His comment was so idiotic he earned a lifetime award. During a press conference, Cuomo urged people to get one of the COVID vaccines—there’s nothing wrong with that. But the words used by the governor who earned the hashtag #CuomoKilledGrandma were particularly insensitive and tone-deaf.

“Maybe you will get a long haul syndrome that we’re not really sure what it is yet, but a lingering consequence of COVID. Or maybe you go home and kiss your grandmother and wind up killing your grandma. So, show some civic responsibility.”

HOLY COW! Killing your grandma? Cuomo actually chose those words! Reports are that his nursing home death count could be as high as 15,000. As Andy Biggs (R-AZ) tweeted,” I mean, might as well get it from the leading expert on killing grandmothers.”

If someone establishes a Darwin Award for Politicians, NY’s Luv Guv, Andrew Cuomo’s insensitive handling of the COVID-19 pandemic should earn him a lifetime achievement award.

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McAfee Dead in Prison After Repeatedly Declaring He Would Not Kill Himself

Social media users were quick to remind the world of McAfee’s own words.

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John McAfee is a computing legend, having pioneered the way in which systems and networks protect themselves from viruses, malware, spyware, and all the other assorted evils of this internet age. But now he lies dead, having allegedly committed suicide in a Spanish prison cell. Antivirus software tycoon John McAfee died by an apparent suicide in a Spanish jail cell Wednesday evening — hours after reports surfaced that he would be extradited to face federal charges in the US, according to local media. The eccentric tech entrepreneur was arrested in October and was awaiting extradition when he was found dead, police sources told the newspaper El Pais. The newspaper reported McAfee was pulled from his cell in Barcelona and police are investigating the circumstances around his death. Authorities aren’t shying away from calling it a suicide already. “Everything points to suicide,” the newspaper reported, citing justice department officials in the country. A second Spanish newspaper, El Mundo, also reported McAfee had died by an apparent suicide in the jail. But here is where it gets strange:  McAfee has been utterly insistent and consistent about the fact that he would never, ever take his own life, explicitly telling his followers on social media that, should he ever be found dead of suicide, he was killed. https://twitter.com/officialmcafee/status/1316801215083225096?s=20 https://twitter.com/officialmcafee/status/1200864283766251521?s=20 https://twitter.com/truthcrumbs/status/1407788935628079113?s=20 The investigation is ongoing at this time.

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Lab Finds Zero Fish DNA After Testing Subway’s Tuna Sandwich

You can “eat fresh” at Subway, but can you eat fish?

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For years we’ve told ourselves that there has to be a better way to do fast food.  Or, at the very least, a healthier way. And so new chains are constantly popping up, while the old staples adapt.  There are salads for sale as places like McDonald’s these days, which is something that kids who grew up in the 80’s might have had a hard time believing would ever occur. In the realm of healthy fast food, there is but one king:  The unbreakable Subway.  Not only did the brand survive having a pedophile as their spokesperson, but they currently operate more physical restaurants in the world than even the aforementioned burger purveyor. But an alarming new study has some wondering if, while they were “eating fresh” with a tuna sub, they were even eating fish. The New York Times published a report Sunday, which revealed that lab tests didn’t find “amplifiable tuna DNA” in Subway’s infamous tuna sandwich. NYT submitted “60 inches worth of Subway tuna sandwiches” from three separate Los Angeles locations for lab analysis in wake of the lawsuit filed earlier this year alleging the sandwich chain was serving customers “a mixture of various concoctions that do not constitute tuna.” The suit claims that independent lab tests showed the company meant to “imitate” tuna’s appearance by blending together these unknown ingredients. The study, commissioned by NYT, failed to not only identify tuna DNA, but the lab couldn’t even determine the origins of the fish in the provided sandwiches. “No amplifiable tuna DNA was present in the sample and so we obtained no amplification products from the DNA. Therefore, we cannot identify the species,” the results read. But it’s not all bad news: “There’s two conclusions. One, it’s so heavily processed that whatever we could pull out, we couldn’t make an…

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