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CDC Readies Cruises, Complete with Human Guinea Pigs

Fingers crossed!

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As the world prepares for its grand reopening, there are a number of high value industries that are eagerly awaiting permission from medical authorities to resume operations.

First and foremost, there are the service industries:  Places like restaurants, bars, music venues, and sports arenas whose entire livelihood depends on whether or not people are being allowed to gather in public.  While many of these venues are now beginning to ramp up their capacity, there are issues bringing some of these workers back into the fold thanks to the enhanced unemployment benefits provided by the federal government.

And then there’s the tourism industry, whose regulatory structure is far more susceptible to interference by government agencies.

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Now, after over a year of stagnation, it appears as though at least one facet of this wide-ranging corporate amalgam will be given a chance to sail on.

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Cruise lines can soon begin trial voyages in U.S. waters with volunteer passengers helping test whether the ships can sail safely during a pandemic.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention gave ship operators final technical guidelines Wednesday for the trial runs. The CDC action is a step toward resuming cruises in U.S. waters, possibly by July, for the first time since March 2020.

A spokeswoman for the cruise industry’s trade group said the group was reviewing the CDC instructions.

So, how will this work?

Each practice cruise — they’ll run two to seven days — must have enough passengers to meet at least 10% of the ship’s capacity. Volunteers must be 18 or older and either fully vaccinated or free of medical conditions that would put them at high risk for severe COVID-19.

The ship operator must tell passengers that they are simulating untested safety measures “and that sailing during a pandemic is an inherently risky activity,” the CDC guidelines state.

This will likely come as a major relief to cruise operators, who have long railed against the CDC’s unwillingness to even discuss a reopening plan with them.

There is also little doubt that this could help fuel economic recovery in the travel sector, pushing the possibility of a new “roaring twenties” every closer to reality.

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McAfee Dead in Prison After Repeatedly Declaring He Would Not Kill Himself

Social media users were quick to remind the world of McAfee’s own words.

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John McAfee is a computing legend, having pioneered the way in which systems and networks protect themselves from viruses, malware, spyware, and all the other assorted evils of this internet age. But now he lies dead, having allegedly committed suicide in a Spanish prison cell. Antivirus software tycoon John McAfee died by an apparent suicide in a Spanish jail cell Wednesday evening — hours after reports surfaced that he would be extradited to face federal charges in the US, according to local media. The eccentric tech entrepreneur was arrested in October and was awaiting extradition when he was found dead, police sources told the newspaper El Pais. The newspaper reported McAfee was pulled from his cell in Barcelona and police are investigating the circumstances around his death. Authorities aren’t shying away from calling it a suicide already. “Everything points to suicide,” the newspaper reported, citing justice department officials in the country. A second Spanish newspaper, El Mundo, also reported McAfee had died by an apparent suicide in the jail. But here is where it gets strange:  McAfee has been utterly insistent and consistent about the fact that he would never, ever take his own life, explicitly telling his followers on social media that, should he ever be found dead of suicide, he was killed. https://twitter.com/officialmcafee/status/1316801215083225096?s=20 https://twitter.com/officialmcafee/status/1200864283766251521?s=20 https://twitter.com/truthcrumbs/status/1407788935628079113?s=20 The investigation is ongoing at this time.

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Lab Finds Zero Fish DNA After Testing Subway’s Tuna Sandwich

You can “eat fresh” at Subway, but can you eat fish?

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For years we’ve told ourselves that there has to be a better way to do fast food.  Or, at the very least, a healthier way. And so new chains are constantly popping up, while the old staples adapt.  There are salads for sale as places like McDonald’s these days, which is something that kids who grew up in the 80’s might have had a hard time believing would ever occur. In the realm of healthy fast food, there is but one king:  The unbreakable Subway.  Not only did the brand survive having a pedophile as their spokesperson, but they currently operate more physical restaurants in the world than even the aforementioned burger purveyor. But an alarming new study has some wondering if, while they were “eating fresh” with a tuna sub, they were even eating fish. The New York Times published a report Sunday, which revealed that lab tests didn’t find “amplifiable tuna DNA” in Subway’s infamous tuna sandwich. NYT submitted “60 inches worth of Subway tuna sandwiches” from three separate Los Angeles locations for lab analysis in wake of the lawsuit filed earlier this year alleging the sandwich chain was serving customers “a mixture of various concoctions that do not constitute tuna.” The suit claims that independent lab tests showed the company meant to “imitate” tuna’s appearance by blending together these unknown ingredients. The study, commissioned by NYT, failed to not only identify tuna DNA, but the lab couldn’t even determine the origins of the fish in the provided sandwiches. “No amplifiable tuna DNA was present in the sample and so we obtained no amplification products from the DNA. Therefore, we cannot identify the species,” the results read. But it’s not all bad news: “There’s two conclusions. One, it’s so heavily processed that whatever we could pull out, we couldn’t make an…

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