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The Onion Just Totally Owned CNN And It’s Absolutely Glorious

It’s funny because it’s true.

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If you’re a fan of satire at all, you’ve probably heard of The Onion, a publication that pretends to be a newspaper — it’s all just entertainment — that crafts outrageous stories that poke fun of modern culture and society in every conceivable way.

They are, for the most part, totally left-wing, but they sometimes put out super funny stuff that’s politically neutral, and then, at other times, they just call it how they see it and end up zinging the left just as hard as they do the right.

Like how they completely eviscerated CNN in their latest story and headline.

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Here’s a snippet of the story itself from The Onion:

Explaining that the topic involves an elaborate web of military, political, and economic issues, CNN panelists warned Monday that the North Korea situation was way too complex for them to discuss intelligently. “Viewers should understand that a CNN panel has absolutely no business deliberating about the complicated geopolitical situation in North Korea and will instead spout the dumbest things possible,” said CNN Tonight host Don Lemon, who noted that the interwoven alliances and competing interests of nations like China and Japan made it impossible for a group of six random pundits to do anything but repeat meaningless platitudes, provide uninformed guesses, and start yelling at each other. “We can say ‘Trump’s a dealmaker,’ and we can repeat Kim Jong-un’s name a few times, but with so many intricate, unclear problems, you should realize that we can’t offer anything that even comes close to resembling real insight.

Plenty of folks online decided to weigh in on the hilarious headline:

CNN has earned a well deserved reputation for being the butt of the news and information industry as the network has been caught time and time again either outright fabricating something or just allowing false information to be spread on its programming without even bothering to fact check it.

President Trump has been at war with the network ever since being sworn into office and routinely puts them back in their place in skirmishes published on Twitter.

One has to wonder when these folks will learn and actually start taking their job seriously and do it with integrity and excellence.

The way it looks now, the answer is never.

Source: Twitchy

Entertainment

Cable News Blasted for Conjuring Controversy in Columbus Police Shooting

This is just dirty.

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alexandria ocasio-cortez

The sad truth of the matter, when it comes to the mainstream media, is that they are more successful when we are more emotional. It’s a dirty trick of human biology:  The chemicals in our brain that allow us to feel joy, sorrow, humor, and fury are just similar enough to one another that we become addicted to them, one and all.  Feeling something stimulates our self-awareness, and we learn to crave it. So, when you tune into CNN and what they are saying angers you, they’re planting small hooks in your noggin, reeling you in to watch the commercials that pay all of their salaries. If you watch Fox, however, and you find yourself enthusiastically cheering after a host or guest has a mic drop moment, your brain again finds what it’s looking for, and here you are seeing your 14th Progressive commercial of the day. All of the big networks know this and actively participate in this salacious shamanism, and sometimes they cross the line. Liberal outlets HuffPost and AJ+ omitted key details or pushed false narratives in their videos about the fatal police shooting of a Black teenager in Columbus, Ohio on Tuesday. HuffPost failed to note the woman who was shot, Ma’Khia Bryant, pushed another female to the ground and lunged at another with a knife when police arrived at the scene. The misleading HuffPo video was accompanied by the following text, which appeared to paint the police as the villain. “Black girl killed by police,” the text read. “Police in Columbus, OH shot & killed a Black teen around the same time the verdict was read in the Derek Chauvin trial. Body-camera footage showed an officer firing several times at Ma’Khia Bryant before she collapsed to the ground. The video also showed a knife falling next to the…

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News

Derek Chauvin on Suicide Watch, Away From General Population

Chauvin’s incarceration will certainly not be a pleasant one once he leaves isolation.

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There is little doubt that Derek Chauvin is going to have a bad time in jail.  The former police officer was just convicted on several charges stemming from his involvement in the death of George Floyd, with one those charges being murder in the 3rd degree. Chauvin’s sentence won’t be known for some time, likely about 8 weeks, so there’s no telling just where he’ll wind up serving his time.  But ex-cops don’t fare all that well in certain prisons, and there will almost certainly be an incentive to tangle with the guy while he’s on the inside. For the time being, however, Chauvin is being kept separate from the general population, out of fear for his safety. Derek Chauvin has been pictured in his first mugshot taken at the maximum security prison in Minnesota where he’s on suicide watch after being found guilty on all three counts of murder and manslaughter in the death of George Floyd. The Minnesota Department of Corrections released the new booking photo on Wednesday morning as Chauvin woke up from his first night at MCF-Oak Park Heights. The 45-year-old dressed in an orange jumpsuit appeared tired and puffy-eyed with a frown and his hair in disarray. The mugshot was soon making the rounds online. https://twitter.com/ABC/status/1384867831792209921?s=20 Chauvin is expected to file an appeal in the coming weeks, possibly on the grounds that he could not have possibly received a fair trial with the statements being made in public by politicians such as Maxine Waters of California.

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