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VIDEO: Gang of Turkeys Terrorize Massachusetts Town

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With Thanksgiving right around the corner, the townsfolk of Woburn, Massachusetts are thinking twice about cooking a traditional holiday meal.

No, they’re not counting calories, and no there isn’t some PETA-backed campaign trying to shame people into joining their cult.

It’s the gang of turkeys terrorizing the neighborhood that has Woburn-ites thinking twice.

According to a local media report, the strange showdown is currently unfolding in the community of Woburn, where four of the ferocious fowl have seemingly laid claim to a specific set of streets. Resident Meaghan Tolson, who lives in the proverbial war zone, has even gone so far as to name the birds in what may be an early sign of Stockholm syndrome. “The most aggressive one is Kevin,” she said, “then there are three ladies because their coloring isn’t so distinct. It’s Esther, Gladys and Patricia.”

There are even reports of turkeys attempting to enter peoples’ cars.

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The quartet of quarrelsome birds have been facing off with people living in the neighborhood for the last several weeks with Tolson saying that she has captured nearly a dozen encounters with the territorial turkeys on video. “Even if you are parked, Kevin will try to get in your car,” she explained, “you have to open your passenger side door and lure them over there, then make a clean break to the house.” Neighbor April Drolette echoed that experience, lamenting that “there have been times I’m trapped in my car, can’t get out, and have to call family members. They usually bring an umbrella. It takes a team.”

Local wilderness officials warned residents not to turn tale and run from the turkeys, as they would see such cowardice as submission.   Instead, keep an umbrella handy to corral the birds out of your way.

Video of the poultry rampage can be seen below.


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About the Author:
As a lifelong advocate for the dream promised us in the Constitution, Andrew West has spent his years authoring lush prose editorial dirges regarding America's fall from grace and her path back to prosperity. When West isn't railing against the offensive whims of the mainstream media or the ideological cruelty that is so rampant in the US, he spends his time seeking adventurous new food and fermented beverages, with the occasional round of golf peppered in.